My Stage is the World

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive

Eggcelent Easter

on April 12, 2012

The Easter holidays mean that hundreds of people think it’s OK to travel on the tubes at rush hour. I work near Victoria and of course Billy Elliot and Wicked matinees both finish about 5.30 and they all try to cram onto the tube. Children hate crowds and parents are forcing these poor little kids onto packed trains full of stressed businessmen. The answer? Follow the advice of the ticket man and WALK. Oh wait, April Showers…

7.30am – posh man tells his colleague that his house is indeed close to the station. In fact after it was built in the 1800s the original owner had the station purposefully built, so that he could get to London quickly. Yes – Haslemere is home to the largest community of First Class commuters. Sadly I am not one of them.

8.30am (Waterloo) – train announcer “…and I can hear the Westbound train coming in now, which is going to… oh no wait, that’s going the wrong way. Oh here it comes… no – yes! Stanmore ladies and gentlemen!”

8.40am (Green Park) – I almost get whacked in the face by a rucksack so do a backbend on the escalator. Two people applaud me and someone wolf whistles

8.50am (Victoria) – people are actually asleep in blankets outside the Apollo waiting for it to open so they can buy tickets to see Wicked

5.50pm (Bond Street) – I go up a deserted escalator only to find myself walking into a sea of disgruntled commuters who are waiting for it to become a down escalator so they can get to the tube

6pm (Embankment) – Evening Standard man makes everyone’s day by talking Cockney rhyming slang and shouting “Free Standad laydees and gents”

6.05pm (Embankment) – it starts snowing which surprises me until I realise it’s actually a mixture of blossom and some lady’s cigarette ash

6.15pm (Charing Cross) – some man trips over nothing and falls spectacularly in a heap on the floor, only to sit up in hysterics

New experiences

  • I had my first burger from GBK – lamb (which I swapped for chicken) something burger with houmous and cucumber raika. I liked it!
  • I bought lunch from the canteen – chicken risotto at a bargain price of £1.80
  • I had my hair cut
  • I wore gold jewellery
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