My Stage is the World

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive

Just whistle as you (commute to) work

Very colourful outfitBeen very busy recently – working five days a week really takes it out of you… I’d forgotten! Plus I’ve been a social butterfly as well so I have loads of posts to write. But enough of that – more about the fun of commuting!

8.25am – train guard reminds us all to take our umbrellas with us when we leave the train

8.36am (Waterloo) – girl laying on her back, staring but not seeing whilst a policewoman takes photos

8.40am – twin girls ask me if I was on Dancing on Ice

8.45am – bus driver lets us on bus early because it’s raining

8.46am – fat man sits down and encroaches on my seat, glaring at me, even though there are loads of seats

5.35pm (Victoria) – Announcement “please do not stop at the bottom of the escalator” so woman in front of me immediately stops dead and I crash into her

5.45pm (Green Park) – man pushes into me and I fall forwards towards track; another man grabs me to stop me ending up in front of a train.

9.10pm – lights go off on the train because of computer software

9.55pm – Guard “I hope you have a pleasant journey… or at least as pleasant as possible.”

Things what I done

  • Went to work wearing wellies and an anorak
  • Wore navy tights with a charcoal grey skirt and didn’t change when I notice
  • Wore studs to work
  • Spent £122.99 on a pair of trainers
  • Decided I really don’t like nuts
  • Appeared on TV again
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Eggcelent Easter

The Easter holidays mean that hundreds of people think it’s OK to travel on the tubes at rush hour. I work near Victoria and of course Billy Elliot and Wicked matinees both finish about 5.30 and they all try to cram onto the tube. Children hate crowds and parents are forcing these poor little kids onto packed trains full of stressed businessmen. The answer? Follow the advice of the ticket man and WALK. Oh wait, April Showers…

7.30am – posh man tells his colleague that his house is indeed close to the station. In fact after it was built in the 1800s the original owner had the station purposefully built, so that he could get to London quickly. Yes – Haslemere is home to the largest community of First Class commuters. Sadly I am not one of them.

8.30am (Waterloo) – train announcer “…and I can hear the Westbound train coming in now, which is going to… oh no wait, that’s going the wrong way. Oh here it comes… no – yes! Stanmore ladies and gentlemen!”

8.40am (Green Park) – I almost get whacked in the face by a rucksack so do a backbend on the escalator. Two people applaud me and someone wolf whistles

8.50am (Victoria) – people are actually asleep in blankets outside the Apollo waiting for it to open so they can buy tickets to see Wicked

5.50pm (Bond Street) – I go up a deserted escalator only to find myself walking into a sea of disgruntled commuters who are waiting for it to become a down escalator so they can get to the tube

6pm (Embankment) – Evening Standard man makes everyone’s day by talking Cockney rhyming slang and shouting “Free Standad laydees and gents”

6.05pm (Embankment) – it starts snowing which surprises me until I realise it’s actually a mixture of blossom and some lady’s cigarette ash

6.15pm (Charing Cross) – some man trips over nothing and falls spectacularly in a heap on the floor, only to sit up in hysterics

New experiences

  • I had my first burger from GBK – lamb (which I swapped for chicken) something burger with houmous and cucumber raika. I liked it!
  • I bought lunch from the canteen – chicken risotto at a bargain price of £1.80
  • I had my hair cut
  • I wore gold jewellery
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Tubular

WEEKLY WONDERS

7.45am – A man in a suit walks past me, turns and says “That’s a great book – are you enjoying it?”

8.45am (Westminster) – Someone blocks the staircase and everyone starts tutting and rolling their eyes.

5pm (Upton Park) – Mark Noble briefly chats about why I’m being filmed outside the West Ham stadium.

5.40pm (Victoria) – Eight Americans in convoy, with at least one huge suitcase each, get in everyone’s way as they have been waiting for a tube that has room for them for over half an hour… they were still waiting as I squeezed onto the tube.

5.50pm (Embankment) – A man wearing a Baby on Board badge(?) gives me his seat on the tube.

6pm (Temple) – Market stall owner struts up and down offering fresh fruit and vegetables whilst parading the fact that he is scratching his balls.

NEW EXPERIENCES

The sample sale at work – I bought £35 worth of stuff for £2

A telegraph pole painted brown with fake branches and leaves on it

Strawberry and white chocolate popcorn from M&S.

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