My Stage is the World

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive

Fifty Shades of Disappointment?

on February 15, 2015

First, there was The Twilight Saga. Four books that weren’t particularly well-written, but were sort of appealing… Apart from the ridiculous fact that there was no action. Four books where nothing – and I don’t just mean there’s no sex – nothing really happens at all.

So obsessive über fan E.L. James decides to write some fan fiction that includes a similar story but with sex. A lot of sex. To be frank, a lot of ridiculous sex.

Not only is the main character a virgin when she finishes university – well, it’s possible – but she is apparently very sensitive and manages to have multiple intense orgasms when she loses her virginity. And via her nipples. Again, it’s possible but pretty unrealistic. She also says Holy Cow and warbles on about her so-called inner goddess. Ridiculous.

But yes I did read all three books and sort of liked them. The initial idea is a good one, as there wasn’t anything similar before, but the books go beyond fiction. Not that I’d turn down a gorgeous billionaire with a helicopter and fleet of cars, who buys me nice clothes, my own publishing company and an embarrassingly expensive diamond ring…

But let’s talk about the film

Thankfully most of the book (and by this I mean the words themselves) is cut, so there’s no mention of somersaulting inner goddesses or religious bovines.

However, Christian Grey’s family barely feature in the film, which is a shame (although his mother and sister are wrong) because they give the story a bit more depth. The same goes for Kate and José – they’re pretty much cut.

What’s left is Ana and Christian. Staring at each other. A lot. Having sex. Not really a lot. Considering it’s an 18, I expected a lot of it and that you’d see a lot more than you do – everything you do see is her. I have to agree that for a film that will be seen mainly by women, there’s far too much female nudity.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s tastefully done and cleverly shot, but let’s be honest – we were all expecting a little bit more naked Jamie Dornan.

Speaking of which, I’ve never seen him in anything before but I must admit, he is a nice addition into my life – he’s not how I imagined Christian Grey, but he’s pretty hot and looks a bit like Colin Firth.

As for Dakota Johnson, she’s pretty and yet not pretty at the same time – kind of how Anastasia is supposed to be. Ana’s character is also much more likeable in the film – probably because she’s not talking crap all the time!

So this means that a pretty shoddy book has been turned into an alright film, helped along by the cinematography and soundtrack (it’s pretty awesome), plus a hot male lead.

I didn’t love it, but I will be going to see the sequel!

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