My Stage is the World

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive

I’m Yelling Tinder… We’re Swiping Left, Left…

on May 2, 2014


Ah the joys of online dating. I’ve probably had more experience than most, with several long-term relationships forged from the delightful But of course neither was meant to be, although obviously it was them and not me, because I’m clearly awesome.

So the idea of a site that was – effectively – for shallow people, seemed a dubious concept. I mean we’re told our whole lives that we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover and beauty comes from within (bollocks), only for an app to appear which basically tells us to select a date based on looks alone. Genius.

So I thought I’d give it a go and here’s what I learned:

Men really aren’t fussy

Seriously, they swipe right to around 95% of women in the hope that one of them will be a match. I don’t know who they’re kidding – surely that’s pointless.

Women really are fussy

All of my female friends on Tinder pretty much say no to everyone. I know I swipe left about 20 times before I swipe right and half of the time I regret that as soon as I’ve done it.

Men are keen

I’ve had several matches message me immediately with a suggestion to go for a drink that evening. Maybe because most women change their mind seconds after they’ve actually swiped right.

You’ve got nowhere to hide

Every now and then I see someone I know and, obviously, swipe left. This doesn’t give you anonymity. I’ve had several messages from ‘old flames’ asking me “how’re you finding Tinder?” Or “what’s a girl like you doing on Tinder?”

You become judgmental

I refuse to date anyone who: posts topless selfies; has a ridiculous name; is drunk in all of his photos; is holding children; has cartoons instead of photos; is sticking up his middle finger… Etc.

You use it when you’re bored

Alone in my hotel in Singapore one evening, I checked it out to see what the local talent was like… And ended up on a date at the night safari with someone. Not that he was a local in any shape or form… Although he sort of is now though, oddly.

You’re vulnerable on dates

With most online dates you go armed with knowledge about the person you’re meeting after memorising their profile information. There’s no such luxury with Tinder and you can struggle for conversation topics.

Men are short

A lot of men do put their height on Tinder, but not everyone. It’s quite awkward to turn up to meet someone after work and find that even in flat shoes you’re pretty much the same height as them.

I still aim to make the men I date work for my attention though! Going for a drink/dinner is so lame unless it’s somewhere unusual. I like to be wooed (I’ve had some amazing first dates), although it backfired recently.

I’d arranged to go to Cafe de Paris with a guy, but when I turned up I realised that it wasn’t going to work. But I felt bad because he’d bought the tickets… So I went with him to the cabaret (which was actually really enjoyable), but bailed as soon as I could! I was getting over a chest infection, but that probably wouldn’t have stopped me for Mr Right!

I do have plans to meet up with a couple of guys in the next week or so, but I did meet someone quite special in a bar (of all places), after I’d been to Secret Cinema with Dougal. But that’s another story…

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